This week, Nike has released trainers in collaboration with both Stranger Things and Spongebob Squarepants (designed with basketball player Kyrie Irving).
Stranger Things inspired trainers, I can understand: it has a clearly defined visual aesthetic and its got the whole 1980s thing.
But Spongebob? Who are these aimed at? Surely no self-described sneakerhead would go near them. So… stoners?
To any adult spending upwards of £100 on footwear inspired by a kooky childrens cartoon, I have one thing to say: go buy some age-appropriate desert boots from Clarks.
The Spongebob trainers are merely the latest in a long line of weird collabs. Here are some of the most bizarre ever to have been spat out onto the market.
Adidas X Marvel Avengers
Released earlier this year, ADIDASs Heroes Among Us collection features trainers inspired by six Marvel super heroes: Black Panther, Iron Man, Captain America, Captain Marvel, Nick Fury, and Thor.
The issue here isnt so much the designs themselves — the colour scheme of the Hulk trainers are horrible but Captain America and Thor actually look pretty decent.
I just cant imagine leaving the house with superhero logos on my feet without dying from embarrassment, because I am a grown man.
Adidas X Jeremy Scott
Fashion designer Jeremy Scott has made so many outlandish trainers with Adidas that its extremely difficult to pick just one.
There was the fluffy pink poodle trainers (complete with white sunglasses), the leopard print trainers with a tail attached, and the pair with shiny, gold wings — looking like something Hermes would wear if he was off to a hen night in Brighton.
Out of all these tasteful and understated designs, I have chosen the Eagle wing.
This is because, as well as being kind of garish and vulgar, its also offensive on a different level than the purely visual – upon their release, Jeremy Scott received criticism for appropriating Native American totem pole designs.
Concepts X Nike SB – Ugly Christmas Sweater
Reader, I have a terrible confession… I would absolutely wear these shoes.
Can you imagine turning up to your office Christmas party wearing these bad boys? Youd be the belle of the ball!
If theres one time where garishness its acceptable, its Christmas.
Nike X Honey Nut Cheerios X Nelly
Released in 2013 and titled Must Be the Honey, this is surely the most convoluted trainer collab of all time.
The three different elements – the biggest sportswear brand on the planet, a sugary breakfast cereal, and a rapper who peaked in the early 00s – are so disparate that I struggle to get my head around why this is a thing that exists.
They are also, we can all agree, absolutely hideous. Just as well that only 250 of them were ever released, meaning youre unlikely to stumble across a pair in the wild.